I am still wrestling with the idea of how open to be with this blog...should I keep it light and just tell you about the events in our lives? Or should I blurt out everything I think and feel? And then there is the question of how much to rant and rave? What happens when the people you are ranting about end up reading your blog? Pretty much all of my 'real life' friends don't fully understand disability stuff - and so at one time or another chances are they are going to say something that will upset me....do I rant or do I keep quiet? That is the question. Today's post isn't a rant (and don't worry to anyone reading no one has offended me...yet!), but for those who know me well I am the sort of person who needs to 'blurt out' everything that goes on in my head. So...blurt number 1....Mummy Guilt.
OK, so this isn't the first time I have felt Mummy guilt, but it is the first blog post about it. I know all mums feel it from time to time, but when you are trying to juggle special needs as well I think it can end up off the richter scale.
So, today E said to me "Mummy, you're kinder to A2 than to me every day "
Direct hit - she got me right in the middle of the chest - almost winded me.
Am I kinder to A2? I always feel that as the "healthy twin" A2 misses out - so maybe I have tried to over compensate for that? I probably do make E take more responsibility for her behaviour as she is a bit older.... but as the oldest she usually is the most vocal and gets what she wants - so then I worry that she is being favoured. And then there is all the extra attention A1 gets.....but lets not even go there - it will do my head in.
So tomorrows aim (in spite of PMT) is to try and be a bit kinder to everyone - especially E.