I love IKEA - they have a storage solution for everything! Today I got another 'expedit' which has to be my all time fave piece of IKEA...although it is a bit of a beast to put together. It holds SO much junk which makes it great for the kids toys. I am going to put it in Audrey's room now that the twins are getting separate rooms. Yes, it is a bit sad that I am separating them, but whenever Ashlea gets woken up during the night she thinks its time to play - and I just canNOT watch any more Teletubbies at 4 in the morning!
Anyway, the real reason for this post, is that my tidying / decluttering frenzy (which is only really a frenzy of mess at the moment) has sparked a rather big dilemma. Now that the girls are going into big beds, I have a spare cot. And a spare high chair. And change table. And many bags of baby clothes. And a breast pump, sterilizer, bottles, a bassinet. The list goes on. And I don't want any more babies. Simple solution right? Just flog it on Ebay.
We have 3 embryos in storage. Not just one, but THREE. I have been holding on to all my baby stuff "just in case" we use them one day. But I really don't want to have any more babies. I often don't cope with the ones I already have! To have more would be crazy. We can't afford them. We have no room for them. I couldn't cope with them.
But...I don't believe in destroying embryos. I know this is a very contentious topic, and I don't want anyone to feel that I am telling them what they should do with their embryos or pregnancies, but for me as a Christian, it is not an option to destroy them. The only ethical option I believe (for us) is to donate them to another infertile couple. In theory I am more than happy to do this, but there are so many 'what if's?' What if we had 3 more biological children out there that we never knew? What if they had a really awful life? What if they had a really great life, better than the children we have? What if 'something happens to one of my children' and I decide I do want another? ('Something happening to one of my children' is really code for 'what if Ashlea dies'...which is a fear that is always lurking somewhere in the back of my mind).
I just don't know what the RIGHT thing to do is. When we first started IVF I naively thought that if we ended up having leftover embryos we would just have more children than we originally planned on. I didn't foresee special needs, or the potential for 6 children!
So, I have this dilemma. Do I keep holding onto my baby stuff "just in case"? Should I consider having another baby? Would it push me over the edge completely??? Unfortunately there is no simple IKEA solution for this one.