Thursday, December 31, 2009

New Years Neuroses

Today is New Year's Eve.  Time to reflect upon the year that was, and look forward to the year that is coming.  To tell you the truth I am not a huge fan of New Years.  Rather than excitedly anticipating  what great things might happen in the next 12 months, I am more likely to worry about all the bad things that might happen (sorry to all the optimists out there - but I'm sure all the worriers will be able to relate!). 

I'm not a total kill-joy - I do have plenty of hopes for 2010 as well...Hope for:
continued good health for our whole family (well, you know what I mean)
more great progress for Ashlea - improvement in speaking particularly, enjoyment of preschool, a continued blossoming of her (rather bossy) little personality
for Emma to have a great first year at big school - that she enjoys it, makes friends, thrives on the learning
for Audrey to continue to enjoy preschool, and for the chance to spend time JUST with Audrey on Fridays when Ashlea is at preschool and Emma at school (Audrey has never before had the luxury of being 'just Audrey')
that no one vomits... (have I mentioned my phobia about vomit before???)
that we get a ramp built in the backyard

that Ashlea gets her wheelchair

that Ashlea miraculously gets up and walks and we can send the wheelchair back...

Its just that my fears tend to play louder in my mind than anything else...Fear:
that Ashlea's kidney function deteriorates

that Ashlea gets really sick and ends up in hospital or ICU

that 2010 might be a close family member or friend's last year

that we will get gastro and vomit (highly likely seeing as Emma is starting germ big school) 

that Emma hates school and struggles to make friends

that my dizziness gets worse again...
I guess the really big fear though is (and always has been):
'will something bad happen to Ashlea?'
Ever since she was born I have worried about something bad happening...and we got perilously close to that bad thing happening a few times.  Its a pretty hard fear to shake.  And now when New Years Eve rolls around I wonder...will something bad happen this year?

What are your hopes for 2010?  Do you have any fears? Which wins out in your head...the hope or the fear?

Sorry for putting my negative spin on NYE!!  Its not that I'm not looking forward to 2010 - I am actually looking forward to it more than previous years - there are lots of big things happening for us this year.  Its just something about the reflecting that we all do at this time of year that I don't like - being an 'anxious type' it presses my worry buttons.

We are actually going out to see the fireworks and have fun in spite of my dislike of the holiday.  We are going to the Lord Mayor's Picnic again this year.  It is a huge picnic for children with special needs - free food and entertainment and a great harbour side viewing spot for the early fireworks.  Its perfect actually because you can be at home and have the kids tucked up in bed in time to watch the midnight fireworks on TV!


Ally said...

I haven't even got my head around the fact that this year has gone already!

I hope all your fears never see the light of day, and all your hopes are fulfilled.


Sarah said...

I think you are not a kill joy Alison, I call it realism.

It's much better to be aware of possible issues that may arise, otherwise it would be so naive of us as parents.

It's funny you should bring all your worries up, as I have been thinking lots about Violet and her conditions and finding it all too worrying and hard lately.

Even though I know this is so much easier said than done when we live with children with special needs on a daily basis, but keep up all your fantastic and + attitude that I do see in you and your family whenever I have had the chance to meet you in person.

Hope you all have a great time tonight at Lord Mayor's Picnic and hope to see you there again next year.

Big brother, Little sister. said...

Alison, wishing you and the family a wonderful 2010. I too hope you have a "germ" free year! lol I hope that AShlea continues to exceed any professionals early expectations, that Audrey really enjoys her 1:1 Mummy time and that Emma really thrives in her new school.
Bron xoxox

Anna said...

I can relate to those fears. I have desperately tried to not think about them this new years. But they always come creeping back in.
I hope that your 2010 is wonderful and that Ashlea remains well, Emma enjoys school and that you and Audrey have some special times together.