Friday, February 12, 2010

A week of firsts...

First full week of school drop offs and pick ups.  We all survived AND I met the other mum whose child is in a wheelchair - nice to have an ally at the school gate.

First scraped knee at school - apparently Emma was very brave and not at all averse to the sympathy it generated.

First case of head lice in Emma's class....eeewwww. 

First photography class.  On Tuesday nights this term I am doing a community course in photography.  One of the aims of the class - other than actually being able to use all the bells and whistles on your camera - is to be able to take a good photo first shot, rather than take 100 photos to get a good one.  We even have homework.  So far I've taken 101 photos for the homework and have yet to find one I'm happy with.  Guess I've got a way to go yet.

First child-free Tuesday.  WOOHOO!!  I'd love to be able to tell you that I spent it getting a massage or a facial, but the truth is far more boring.  I'm not even sure how I feel about confessing to it in public - but blogs without personal confessions can get a little boring, so here goes.  I went and saw a psychologist.  The reason I am going to see her is to get the NICU out of my head.  The girls were in the nursery almost 4 years ago, but to me it feels like just a few months ago.  I'm not sure how many people know I had symptoms of PTSD after the girls came home from the nursery - with vivid flashbacks to a particular day when I thought Ashlea was going to die right then and there in front of me.  Of course me being me, I have NEVER spoken to a living soul about that day which means that it is still in my head, and even though I no longer have flashbacks, I am still hypervigilant.  Every time Ashlea gets sick my mind immediately jumps to "will she die?".  So I have decided to confront the NICU ghosts and hopefully banish them for good.  Well banish them as much as possible anyway.

As well as a week of firsts we have also had a possible 'last'.  Possibly the last time we drove our little Subaru.  I got rear-ended (AGAIN) and we are waiting to hear if the car will be written off.  Possibly my favourite of all the cars I've ever owned.  Although, it was pretty hard to beat my 1972 purple LJ Torana...



Anna said...

What a huge week you have had! Good on you for taking the step to see a psychologist. Talking about things always help. Hopefully one of these Tuesdays you WILL be having a facial or a massage, or if you are anything like me, just going and sitting somewhere by yourself with a coffee and staring at nothing...or is that just me?? LOL!!

Lacey said...

Wow thats quite the rear end! Did the guy even brake! Every once and a while I will have flashbacks of horrible days in PICU. I get them a lot more when we are there!

Sarah said...

Very big week!

So glad you had your appointment with the psychologist. Hope it helps you as much as it can.

How annoying about your Subaru! Love subaaru too, I used to have one a few years back. My first car was an LJ Torana, but blue and I loved it. Only cost me $1200.

n0thingbuteverything said...

Oh how sad about your Suby. We have a little Subaru which I ADORE and refused to sell when we bought our big car. I'd be so sad if someone damaged her like your poor car!!

I hope the visit to the pysch was productive. Having been through psych visits in the past (to deal with some PTSD from an experience in my teens), I found it a weird experience because I just didn't know how I could 'tell' if they were helping or not. Ultimately, they did, but it took me several years to work out just how much they had helped. I hope you find someone that you really 'connect' with and that it's a great healing experience. You already know that I've been thinking a lot about our time in the NICU in recent weeks...they are sooo not fun memories.


ferfischer said...

BOO on the car wreck! As you know, we just wrecked our little car too - my husband's fave. I loved my subaru, but ended up with a van. And, now we have a van and a hybrid, which I'm pretty happy with.

I'm glad you're seeing someone - I have a feeling both husband and I have some PTSD stuff going on - from the accident, and the PICU. I sometimes have nightmares about it, and sometimes I start thinking about it, and can't stop, and have to replay the whole thing in my head. It's awful.


Alison said...

Sarah - how cool that your first car was an LJ too!!

Jenny - I would be very surprised if you guys didn't have some PTSD - especially seeing as what you have just described are symptoms of it (nightmares and flashbacks). Its hard because you have the acute trauma of the NICU/PICU and from there you move into the grief of your new life - and there is no time to deal with any of it.

Di - I am not imagining some amazing 'healing' process to take place. But because I NEVER usually talk about those things I think it will be helpful to share it with someone else - especially someone removed from my life!

Anna - I actually don't have an appointment this week so I will be having a free day and will probably spend it staring at nothing...

Lacey - You're another one I'd be surprised if you didn't have symptoms of PTSD after all you've been through!!

Ally said...

What a big week Alison! How did you find the psych appointment? Helpful? I have my first one this week {and am just quietly shitting bricks!}

Enjoy your free day this week!

Your poor little car :( That'd break my heart if my little Clarke got hurt like that!