Saturday, March 6, 2010

Who would have thought???

Who would have thought my little Ashlea would take to preschool so well?  Yesterday she had her first day of NO tears at all at preschool.  Not even when I left (she usually puts on a big performance as I am leaving but it is over before I've even made it to the end of the street).  She was full of smiles on arrival, happy all day, and greeted me with a big smile at pick up time.

We have a little ritual now when I put her in the car after preschool.  Without fail she says:

"Had a good time"

"I so proud"


Ashlea's first painting...or maybe I should label it Mrs C's 5962nd painting as I'm not sure how much is 'authentic' Ashlea.

Who would have thought that if you internalise all the grief and trauma of the last 4 years, that when you finally open up to someone that ALL the emotion is STILL THERE?  Actually maybe even I could have guessed that one.  I come from a long line of avoiders - we avoid talking about our feelings.  We avoid feeling our feeilngs.  Such a shame it doesn't make them go away.  

After establishing that I am not a fan of talking about how I feel, and that perhaps that isn't the best way of dealing with things, my psychologist told me what I had to do.  START TALKING.  And you know what?  As unpleasant as it is, it is also kind of a relief.  Finally I can let out all the 'stuff' that has been in my head for the last 4 years.  She may have unstopped a dam, because I don't know if I'm going to be able to shut up now.  I have pretty much kept EVERYTHING inside - there are things that happened in the NICU that I haven't spoken to anyone about, and I'm sick of carrying it all around.  Its exhausting.  And draining.  I'm looking forward to getting it all out of my head.

Who would have thought?


ferfischer said...

Love the painting - I think Cici really enjoys "school" and painting too.

And I don't hold much in (if you haven't noticed) on my blog - I kind of let it all out. Or start crying in front of a random stranger who ask me "where my other twin is" or something. Gee. It's so much fun. But if you met me in person, you'd probably think I'm the most positive person in the world, because that's what I have to do to function without falling apart - "fake it till you make it" - that, and I look SO tired. :)

Big brother, Little sister. said...

Alison, If it would help please write it all down and post it to me! I find writing it down lets it all out :) I am really proud of Ashlea settling in so well to Kindy, big hugs from us xoxoxo

Sarah said...

Love Ashlea's comments after preschool! I am so happy she is happy to be there now and settled right in.

If they have unstopped a dam of your thoughts and feelings, that is great as it is better out than in, especially after years! xx

Nerida said...

Alison - pls feel free to come over and let it all out! I too have been holding things back lately. This Thursday is my LAST chemo treatment. Everyone says that I look so good and are so strong but the truth is that I'm exhausted and scared. So come over and we'll put the kids in front of the telly, have a cuppa and a cry together! N xx

Anna said...

Love the painting!
Agree with the others. Letting it out is good! Although I am not very good at it myself, so maybe you can inspire me?

Marie said...

That's great that she is enjoying preschool!

And I agree with everyone else. Let it out!

We're hear to listen and support.

Rosalie said...

What a gorgeous painting! I hear ya on the emotional side i'm such an optimistic person that i hold it all in and then my emotions explode. But i walways feel better afterwards.