Friday, May 28, 2010


Do you still hold out hope that your child will beat the odds and be the only child ever with their diagnosis to walk. Or talk. Or eat - or whatever it is that you want them to do that they can't do?

Someone asked me last week when Ashlea would walk. I told them that she wouldn't. Which is true. It is very unlikely Ashlea will walk independently.

I have given up hope of it ever happening. Is it sensible to give up hope? Hope can be a heartbreaker if what you hope for never happens. Or should I keep hoping and praying? I have kind of given up praying too (not altogether given up praying, just stopped praying for Ashlea to walk).

I still believe that God could help Ashlea to walk. I used to pray for her to 'walk, talk and eat sandwiches'. But I've kind of stopped. Stopped praying. Stopped hoping. Stopped expecting.

But Ashlea continues to make unexpected improvements. Have a look at this video taken yesterday at the physio. Now don't freak out - she can NOT do this unsupported. But even the fact that she can do it at all is such a huge freaking improvement that I wonder... Should I get my hopes up? Or will it just break my heart?


Sarah said...

Alison, this video has me in tears...tears of pure joy!

I know she is supported in this video, but my goodness how fantastic at how she is stepping!

I think that even though it is so hard as you feel things may not happen, always keep even a tiny glimmer of hope.

Hugs to you xxx

Anna said...

I think that you can never give up hope! We NEVER thought Ryley would walk. Were told he wouldn't.
Then he did. At age 7.
We have been told that the seizures have done too much damage to the speech centre of his brain. So he will apparently never talk. We don't expect him to use verbal language. But we keep hoping he will 'one day'.
I guess if we lose hope then we are in danger of not trying, not encouraging and just giving up.
Hope and Faith are all we have sometimes.

Love Love Love seeing Ashlea in this video!!!

ferfischer said...

I don't know - I think it's a fine balance. Right now, I'm not even sure what I should be hoping FOR. So, I guess I'm just hoping she'll lead us in the direction she wants to go. Maybe it's not that I hope for things but that I believe in her and I'm following her along.

Skye is the Limit! said...

It brought tears to my eyes!! She is amazing, and don't give up hope. That is just beautiful!! :)

Ally {mtm} said...

Ashlea is amazing, and you are too Al

Rosalie said...

I think we all have similar feelins, i know i do.

I think when i stopped putting pressure on myself things have improved greatly. I don't ever want to put limits on her because i know she is amazing and capable of so much but at the same time she is the same person whether she walks or never does.

I guess know that school is so close it's a bit hard to not realise the reality.

I don't have quicktime so i can't see the video, but i am sure it's amazing!

Missy said...

Me either...wish I had quicktime...

I guess its hard not to hope. When they make progress in areas that you didnt think they would, its hard not to think that they will be the one.Its hard not to hope for all of those things...
I too think both you and Miss Ashlea are amazing and look at all the wonderful gains Ashlea has made xx

Susan, Mum to Molly said...

I can't view the video either (or get Quicktime to load), but it sounds awesome.

Well done Ashlea!

I have a bit of a love-hate relationship with hope...

And I;m curious - was this private physio or the beloved TSC?

Alison said...

Sorry to hear some of you can't view the video - quicktime should be easy to download from the web.... (should be). I might see if I can convert it to another format...not sure if I can as it is just a little phone movie.

Susan - it was at the beloved SC....the video is of Ashlea using a KAYE walker. The physio is supporting her hips but Ashlea is doing the rest.