Sunday, December 12, 2010

Don't know how to put this into words???

At church today, the guy who was preaching mentioned that he and his wife had just found out there might be a problem with their unborn baby.  He was talking about how in our weakness we can trust God (it being church and all).  Something he said struck me, as it is something I myself said only days before being diagnosed with TTTS.  He said that there was no guarantee God would give them a healthy baby.

Very true.  There are no guarantees about anything in this life - although as Christians God does guarantee to be with us through every situation.  I myself said those words early on in the TTTS journey.  At the time I said them with much trepidation.

I think now that I've been on this journey for awhile, I would add something to that statement.  Now I would say:   There is no guarantee that God will give me a healthy baby - and that is OK.

I don't even know what I mean by that exactly - it is just something I feel very strongly about!  I don't mean that I think it is OK that Ashlea is disabled - because in some ways I will never be OK with that, but in other ways I accept her 100% as she is.  I love her AS SHE IS.  I am OK about this journey we are on.  I'm not angry or bitter or resentful.  There are actually lots of great things I have discovered along this journey.  I have learnt about what is really important in life.  I have learnt about unconditional love.  I have met some amazing children and their parents.  I have learnt that quality of life is different to what I thought it was.  I have learnt about what it means to focus on the unseen rather than the seen.

Am I alone in feeling this way???  I am really curious to know how other parents feel about this.  Do you think good things have come from your experience?  Do the good things outweigh the bad?  Or is the bad so bad that no amount of good can make up for it?

I suspected that the parents-to-be weren't ready to hear any of this, but I did make a point of talking to them after church, as I feel like what is the point going through something like this if you can't help someone else?

9 comments:

Big brother, Little sister. said...

Alison, lovely thoughful post. I agree that yes it is okay, it will be okay, it's just different I guess and I truly believe you can make of it what you want and my life and many mnay others have been truly blessed from having a child with a disability. xx Yes it is often hard and emotional and draining but I often think how seriously boring and superficial things would be without additional needs x

Lacey said...

I completely agree. I hate that Jax and his friends have to go through what they do, but I would never have met all these great people. And I do believe that they choose to go through these pains to bring people together while they are here on earth!

Marie said...

My life just would not be my life without Jack being exactly who he is and it feels very selfish at this moment to type those words. I have learned so much by being his mother but if you think about it...It's like I'm saying my life is better because he struggles. And that's not what I mean....

Sarah said...

For me, it has been more about what I have learnt from having someone like Violet in my life. It has taught me so much more than I could ever imagine.

To be completely truthful, I still get upset and angry with the world though from time to time...it's just certain days that it peaks!

Belinda said...

I agree with you completely Alison. Would I have chosen this, no, do I accept it, yes, and have learnt things I'd never have known otherwise.

xx.

Territory Mom said...

This is beautiful!! Like everyone else sometimes I accept it and sometimes I don't. I think things got better when I stopped asking why me. I can be a real baby. I have my child with me and I wouldn't trade that for anything.

ferfischer said...

Lovely thoughts - I agree. Although I am not religious, I echo your thoughts "sometimes bad things happen, and it is OK" - I still struggle with acceptance, and reasons and everything, but our life is what it is and it is pretty great. I would take the accident back in an instant, but since I can't, I'm making the best of it, and I have learned an awful lot about an awful lot of things - and mat amazing people, and for this I am grateful. It is ok indeed. Oh, and can you send me your address so I can send you a xmas card! :) hugs!

Anna said...

I have learnt so much over the years. No, I wouldn't have chosen this life either, but I am so glad I was GIVEN it. I feel really lucky to have had the opportunity to experience unconditional love, learn about patience and learn how to appreciate life.

Great post!

Anonymous said...

We made a list of everything that was more important than walking. The list was surprisingly long. If we get our priorities right, the less important will be less significant. I think that is what all of you are saying; the body is not important. We asked people to pray that our children would WALK with the Lord, SEE his glory and be strong and courageous. It helped us all keep our priorities straight. We are with you Alison, "in keeping with his (God's) promise we are looking forward to a new heaven and a new earth, where righteousness dwells" 2 Peter 3:13.