Sometimes I feel like if I show frustration with Ashlea that I am betraying her in a way. Everyone assumes that life with a disabled child is HARD, DIFFICULT and SAD, and I feel like if I let some of my frustration show that I am reinforcing that.
Today at swimming Ashlea was bored. Who can guess what she does when bored?
Yep, she screams.
Not because she is unhappy. She screams to entertain herself. I think she enjoys the reaction it gets. Today she was in full flight. Sometimes I give in to it and let her get out of the wheelchair because I know it will shut her up - which will make the other patrons thankful, but mostly I am trying to ignore it because if I give in to it I am just reinforcing that screaming works.
So I am trying to ignore the screaming when I hear this kid say to her:
Before I had even thought of what I was going to do or say, I had turned around and words were already coming out of my mouth:
Get over it.I told a 6 or 7 year old kid to get over it.
I am mortified. I was so embarrassed by my behaviour that I avoided his mother for the rest of the swimming lesson. I know I should have apologised, but I was too embarrassed to even speak to her. Worse still I have got to see them again every week at swimming.
Have you ever responded badly to another child or adult's comment?
See I don't think I'd feel so bad if it was an adult that I had said it to, because adults should be old enough to realise that Ashlea can't help it. But I should not have said that to a kid.
I don't want to appear GRUMPY and SOUR and ANGRY so that people think I am bitter and resentful about having a child with a disability, because I'm not. Its just that sometimes she drives me a little nuts. And I am definitely not a saint who is patient at all times.
Just as well Miss Ashlea is gorgeous and has these deliciously kissable cheeks. I'm going to include a picture of the cheeks so that hopefully the last image in your mind when you leave here will be Ashlea's kissableness, rather than my impatience.
I know she has her eyes closed, but just look at those cheeks!