It's only February, and I can feel my stress levels starting to rise.
The thought of all those weeks on the treadmill of work and school and therapy and appointments.... it's starting to feel overwhelming.
I can feel a bit of a pity party coming on, so I think I'm just going to get it over and done with right here and now.
If only I didn't have to work.
If only I didn't have to take Ashlea to therapy on my days off from work.
If only I had some time to myself.
If only we didn't have bloods for our cross match on Monday.
If only my 6 year old daughter wouldn't bring home snails in her lunch box from school.
If only Ashlea could go in the pool by herself at swimming lessons.
If only I didn't have to make formula. Every.Single.Day.
Do you have some if only's???
You know what one of my biggest if only's is?
If only I felt OK. Had energy. Felt positive. Didn't worry. Preferably all the time. Or at least a lot of the time. Most of the time? Some of the time???
Then it wouldn't bother me that I have to work, and have to schlep to therapy on my days 'off', and that my children like playing with bugs.
OK, the cross match thing that might still bother me.
Monday is the day.
Not sure how long the results take but I know the wait is going to drive me nuts.
If only I didn't have to wait to find out if I can donate a kidney to my daughter.
OK. Pity party over.
Back to it.