Sunday, March 6, 2011

The forgotten child

I found this video the other day of Audrey singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.  She must have been around 2 years old.  How cute is she?

When I watched the video it struck me that I really missed out on so much of her babyhood.  It was like I was seeing her for the first time.  Seeing her cuteness, her babyness.

I feel like I missed all that.

I was so caught up worrying about Ashlea that I missed out on so many little moments with Audrey.

I was talking to a school mum the other day and while we were chatting her 1 year old (also with blue eyes and blond hair) was falling asleep in her arms.  It really struck me that Audrey never got to do that.  Such a normal part of babyhood to fall asleep in your mother's arms.  Yet Audrey always had to sleep either in her cot - or in the pram if we were out - because I was busy wrestling with Ashlea (and yes that it was it felt like at the time).

Mummy guilt.

Do you feel that there is a particular child in your family that is the one that misses out?

Audrey is so unassuming.  She doesn't demand anything.  She is quiet and obedient.  Willing to please.

She is sandwiched in between Emma and Ashlea who are both high maintenance.  Emma is very in your face and demanding of attention.  Ashlea is Ashlea.  Audrey is in the middle.

How do you manage the needs of all your children?  And how do you manage the Mummy Guilt that goes with trying to manage the needs of all your children???


Missy said...

Oh Alison,

I totally understand what you are saying. I too feel like I have a forgotten child and that Mummy guilt is often too much to deal with.
Having a big family, regardless of any disability makes me feel guilty. I find my guilt is more now that they are older. As babies MM was very easy and we didnt have any major issues, it is as she has gotten older that it is harder.

I am trying to have a "date" with each of the kids to make up for it. Some special time but of course there are never enough hours in the day and I just hope that what I have to give is enough. Add in the guilt of working and studying to better my own life and career (in the long run for them too), I feel EVEN MORE guilty.

I am not sure I will every stop feeling guilty and I really try just to have some special time with them all throughout the day.


n0thingbuteverything said...

You might recall I've been through a similar guilt trip recently (which is still ongoing). My poor M missed out on me so much. We are working on making amends these days, but I can't see that guilt ever really going away. I think I just have to accept that it's just the way things were back then.
Gorgeous vid

ferfischer said...

oh my dear - you know you have a friend in me there. In the last 2.5 years, there has been so much going on with Cici, I think I've missed out on both Max and Penny. For heaven's sake, when we were in the hospital with Cici after her accident, Penny took her first steps and started walking!!! She was with my sister. Can you say mommy guilt? Luckily, my sister documents everything for us. And since then, I don't remember her 2nd year at all. However, for us, I waver between who is getting "neglected" so to speak - Penny, lucky for her is very loud and demanding (and always was that kind of twin) and Cici was (and still is) very laid back. Max is kind of somewhere in between, and our only boy. So, more than necessary, I feel like Cici doesn't get what she needs from us because our other 3yo and 5yo won't wait!!!! This is why I'm happy to have our blog - I don't want to forget - and I post the mundane stuff, because I'm so busy, I don't get to value the moment like others do, I have to look back on them. HUGS my friend - you're not alone.

Smilen Champ said...

Hi Aleisha
My name is Jenna and I came across your site. U are a brave courageous fighter and hero. U will be in my thoughts. I was born with a rare life threatening disease.

Alison said...

Thanks Missy, Di and Jen - it's such a juggle trying to meet everyone's needs isn't it?