Friday, August 26, 2011

What went wrong?

The last few weeks have been incredibly hard for me - not because of anything going on with the transplant - but because at the ripe old age of 40 my best friend and I have had a major falling out.

How can this happen?  We're too old for this shit!!!

I am absolutely devestated and have no idea what to do to repair the friendship. I feel like I need to talk to her about it, but for the first time ever in our friendship she doesn't want to speak to me.  I do understand that its hard to talk to someone when you're hurting, but I guess I am frustrated because I am really hurt too - and am trying to reassure her (and me) that our frendship will survive this, but I haven't gotten any response.

(For those wondering about the wisdom of blogging about this - no she doesn't usually read the blog and besides she has gone overseas for 6 weeks so by the time she gets back this post will have sunk into oblivion.  On the off chance she does read the post I can assure her and all of you that this is in no way meant to be hurtful - I just can't not talk about this because it is such a big thing for me.  If any of you think that this post could be damaging then I will edit it or remove it).
What I do know is that I'm completely devestated and don't know what to do next.  I have not been this upset about something for a very long time.  I still don't know quite how things went so wrong?  Usually I am a 'hold it all together' kind of person, but I can not stop crying about this.  I don't know if it is becuase this actual situation warrants this many tears, or if it is because ALL of the grief and worry and stress of 2011 is coming out my eyeballs right now - and this is just the trigger.

The whole thing has made me realise how alone I feel.  I don't have a lot of friends - at the new church everyone is new, at the old church most people are 'Sunday friends' - meaning we really only see each other at church but  don't hang out together.  All the school mum friends I have are new friends too - and I haven't really had the time to put into cultivating those friendships because life is just so busy.  I am really hoping  to make some good friends at the new church and at school - people who we see on Sunday but who we can also hang out with at other times - and have a real sense of community with. 


Sarah said...

Oh Alison, sorry to hear about the falling out with your close friend.

I am sure it will work out so you can both be friends again surely. May just need a little time.

This is the last thing you need to add to your stress levels. With transplant only a few months away you need to try and not get worn down by these types of issues (easier said than done I know)

Please know I am here whenever you need me...much love and hugs x

ferfischer said...

Oh man - that is SO tough. I'm sorry. I agree, it sounds like you might both need time. If you want to reach out I would write her a letter and mail it.

Anna said...

2011 is possibly the worst year EVER as far as I am concerned. I can only imagine how you are feeling right now. Thinking of you and hoping beyond hope that it all works out for you x

Love Ella said...

so sorry to read this alison, relationships can be very tough but stay positive and hope that you can repair your friendship...thinking of you,
xxx madeleine

Missy said...

I am really sorry to hear that your friendship woes with your BF. Gosh it is the last thing you need this year.

I do hate that even at our age :( we are still discovering who are real friends are and being let down by those who you least expect it.

Big hugs, I do hope that your friendship is repairable.

I am sorry you feel so alone. Trust me Alison, if I lived in Sydney I would happily be your new BF!!
Here for you, know its not quite the same, but always thinking of you xxxx

look after yourself, maybe the holiday away is just what she needs???

Di said...

Oh that sucks :-(. I know that I'd be feeling the same way if I had a fall out with my best friend. I think that those connections 'outside' family are so important where you get to be YOU and not the mum/carer/cook/wife etc.

I hope that your friend being away gives her a chance to reflect on whatever has passed and that when she returns you're able to patch things up.

And yes, you have lots and lots of us cyber friends. Definitely time to try and get some sort of gathering on the calendar - even if it's for 2 years from now so we can all start saving xoxo

Kat said...

That sucks :( I hope you friend has some time to reflect and realises that some things are just not worth ending a friendship over. We seem to be in the same boat. I have realised how isolated I have become and was just telling hubby the other night how lonely I am even though I am usually surrounded by people, albeit little people lol. I ended a pretty full on friendship last year, an unhealthy one at that but it was still a friendship- and whilst recuperating from the end of that one (i.e enjoying free time without having to deal with someone else's drama all the time on top of my own), I have gone completely the other way :|

I think having a child with a disability can be very isolating in itself- I know I have a hard time getting out there and meeting new people but I do hope that whatever the end result with your BF, you do make some good friends at the new church :D