Friday, September 2, 2011

The Big Questions

Will Ashlea die?

Will I die?

Most of you know that those are the big questions on my mind regarding the transplant.  Unfortunately I'm not the only one with those questions on my mind.

During the week we found out that one of the children in the support unit at our school passed away.  How utterly devestating.  That is my worst nightmare as a parent and it pressed all my worry buttons.

What if that is us one day???

It didn't just press my buttons though.  Since then we have had a number of discussions with Emma about how she is sad that the girl died (Emma knew her but not well), and we've also had the big questions.

Will Ashlea die during the operation?

Will Mummy die?

It breaks my heart that we have to have these discussions with our children.  They're too young to have to worry about these kinds of things.  I guess though that this is our life - and so we need to have these discussions.  Other people can reassure themselves when they hear stories like this by thinking "well, that child was very sick, she had been sick a long time, she had a lot of things wrong with her" so even though she died, it is unlikely my child will die.  We don't have that luxury.  We can't distance ourselves as easily from this family's tragedy, because we are at risk of becoming that family.  I know Ashlea is unlikely to die soon - but the reality is that she does have a serious medical condition and is therefore more at risk of dying than a 'typical' child.  That is our reality.

I just wish I could shield my other children from it for a bit longer.

5 comments:

Sarah said...

Sorry to hear the child in the support unit that passed away, very tragic :(

I have had a friend lose their child with CP in the past year, so I know these kind of thoughts are always on our minds.

Your children shouldn't be having to deal with these serious issues at their age, especially with their own sibling and mum...it is just completely unfair to say the least.

I don't have the experience with what you are facing.

But, I do know from my brain surgery that when I was a complete mess, I had to stay positive even though I didn't feel I was doing it at the time.

Thinking of you all x

Lacey said...

Ugh, I hate when these things happen. I was talking to a friend about Jax the other day, and mentioned something about doctors always asking about DNR's for Jax. The boys overheard, and they asked, Is Jax going to die. They were absolutely horrified! I can't even imagine if I ever have to go through that.
I can't imagine how scary it would be to have you both in surgery. You'll do great though!

ferfischer said...

Oh my - so sad. When one of our close friends had a child die last year, who was very similar to Cici, it brought to the forefront how close we actually are. Yes, it COULD actually happen to us. And, anytime. Unlikely right now, but so was our initial accident. I hope to shield my kids for as long as possible, from your situation and ages, it looks like I don't have that much time, as my kids are only slightly younger. Bah! I just don't know how to handle these things either. You must post your tips, although I have none for you. ((hugs))

Missy said...

Oh ALison, they are very real questions and I just cant imagine how you go about answering them honestly but without putting more worry and stress on the girls as it is.
Good luck with answering those tough questions and we will be hoping and praying for the VERY best of outcomes.

Fiona said...

Frankly it sucks.
Sorry that all of you are having to deal with such big questions.
It shouldn't be this tough.