Will Ashlea die?
Will I die?
Most of you know that those are the big questions on my mind regarding the transplant. Unfortunately I'm not the only one with those questions on my mind.
During the week we found out that one of the children in the support unit at our school passed away. How utterly devestating. That is my worst nightmare as a parent and it pressed all my worry buttons.
What if that is us one day???
It didn't just press my buttons though. Since then we have had a number of discussions with Emma about how she is sad that the girl died (Emma knew her but not well), and we've also had the big questions.
Will Ashlea die during the operation?
Will Mummy die?
It breaks my heart that we have to have these discussions with our children. They're too young to have to worry about these kinds of things. I guess though that this is our life - and so we need to have these discussions. Other people can reassure themselves when they hear stories like this by thinking "well, that child was very sick, she had been sick a long time, she had a lot of things wrong with her" so even though she died, it is unlikely my child will die. We don't have that luxury. We can't distance ourselves as easily from this family's tragedy, because we are at risk of becoming that family. I know Ashlea is unlikely to die soon - but the reality is that she does have a serious medical condition and is therefore more at risk of dying than a 'typical' child. That is our reality.
I just wish I could shield my other children from it for a bit longer.