Yesterday was a beautiful autumn day in Sydney. I was able to bring Murray home for a few hours and we sat outside in the backyard and ate lunch in the sun while the kids ran around. It was a lovely time - just the way things should be on a sunny Saturday afternoon!
Today Ashlea had the day off bloods so I was able to go to church for the first time since 'it' all happened. Just quietly I was a little stressed about going - it's hard to be around people at the moment - especially large groups of them - but the longer I don't see people the harder it gets to see people again if that makes sense. So I decided to rip the bandaid off and just do it.
It's funny because while I am living this crazy life I can cope with all sorts of crazy things like rehab and doctors and appointments, I just can't do the ordinary, everyday things like grocery shopping, school drop off and church. It is so hard to do the 'normal' things when everything else in my life is so NOT normal.
I'm sure those of you who have been through similar things can relate!
Anyway I went to church and it was OK but hard too. Hard because its such a normal thing to do when life is definitely not normal. Especially hard because it is something we would usually try do as a family.
I was hoping to take the girls to visit Murray this afternoon but I have been feeling quite dizzy this afternoon. I'm not sure if it was my 'regular' dizziness (I have Meniere's so do get struck down from time to time) or if it is stress related. Seeing as we have been through the wringer over the last 4 weeks there is a good chance it is stress related - and unfortunately there is no immediate end in sight to the stress.
I feel guilty for not going to visit Murray but I figured it probably wouldn't help the situation if I drove off the road into a ditch while dizzy - with the kids in the car. Instead we have had a quiet afternoon at home - I have spent most of it lying on the couch with the girls creating carnage around me.
Please keep praying for us. I am starting to feel the strain of juggling everything. I'm stressed. I'm sad. I'm over it. But we still have a long way to go and the last thing we need is for me to fall into a dizzy heap. Or any kind of heap!