The last few weeks I have been feeling increasingly overwhelmed by everything going on in my life. Some days I just think I can't do this. Acutally nearly everyday I think I can't do this.
It's too much for one person. I really can't do it.
I read a blog post the other day that reminded me of a sermon I heard just before Ashlea's transplant - a sermon that touched on the verse in the bible that says I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.
All things apparently. Even being effectively a single parent to 3 children - one with serious disabilities and medical issues - and being wife/carer to a husband with a brain injury.
I can do all things through Him who gives me strength. That means even this. But how? How will He give me strength so I can get through this? I don't feel like He is giving me strength. Mind you that might be because I haven't actually asked for it. I have taken up a bit of a silent protest with God since Murray's injury became apparent - so maybe asking God for help would be a good start :)
It's weird because I'm not 'big picture' angry about our situation. I get that God is in control. I get that there is suffering in this world and that that won't end until we are finally in heaven. But 'little picture', day to day I am right royally pissed off. I feel like once again I have been left to pick up the pieces. Yes Murray has the brain injury but at the moment I seem to be feeling the consequences more than anyone else.
Please pray! As like most things in life even though I feel like I can't do this I have no choice about actually doing it. And maybe the fact that I am still actually doing it is the proof that God is giving me the strength to do it?