Wednesday, June 27, 2012

I can't do this

The last few weeks I have been feeling increasingly overwhelmed by everything going on in my life. Some days I just think I can't do this.  Acutally nearly everyday I think I can't do this.

It's too much for one person.  I really can't do it.

I read a blog post the other day that reminded me of a sermon I heard just before Ashlea's transplant - a sermon that touched on the verse in the bible that says  I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.

All things apparently.  Even being effectively a single parent to 3 children - one with serious disabilities and medical issues - and being wife/carer to a husband with a brain injury.

I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.  That means even this.  But how?  How will He give me strength so I can get through this?  I don't feel like He is giving me strength. Mind you that might be because I haven't actually asked for it.  I have taken up a bit of a silent protest with God since Murray's injury became apparent - so maybe asking God for help would be a good start :)

It's weird because I'm not 'big picture' angry about our situation.  I get that God is in control.  I get that there is suffering in this world and that that won't end until we are finally in heaven.  But 'little picture', day to day I am right royally pissed off.  I feel like once again I have been left to pick up the pieces.  Yes Murray has the brain injury but at the moment I seem to be feeling the consequences more than anyone else.

Please pray!  As like most things in life even though I feel like I can't do this I have no choice about actually doing it.  And maybe the fact that I am still actually doing it is the proof that God is giving me the strength to do it?


ferfischer said...

I sure wish I was closer. And I wish I knew what to say. But, I often feel like I can't do this either, at times, and then you just do. Sometimes I just think to myself "is this really my life? how am i going to do this forever?" But I guess that all remains to be seen. We're here for you - even if it's "just online."

Deb said...

Praying for you every day. Each of your days would look like a mountain to me. Thankfully, He hangs on to us even when we are not able to do any more hanging on to Him.

Kath said...

Well Alison Austin, you must be one strong person, as God also promisises not to give us more than we can bear...even though it sure feels like it sometimes. God loves you and counts you as very special. He is a righteous God who wants to hear your anger and frustration at life. We still pray for your family and even though we don't know you so well, your family holds a special place in our hearts.

Anna said...

I wish I lived closer too. It has to get better surely? Faith, hope and love. Sometimes it is all we have. Thinking of you all xo

the three wise menn said...

i feel this way, every. single. day. while our situations are much different right now, the constant caring for others takes a toll on a person.
praying for you friend, and that God will give you the strength that comes through Him!!

The Trousdell Five said...

Oh Alison, I am reaching out through the internet to give you a hug. I don't know what else to say other than that. xoxo

Missy said...

Oh Alison, I just dont know what to say..I wish you didnt have to do didnt ask for this and you are left to pick up the pieces and carry on because unfortunately you are it right now. I can only imagine the pressure you must be under, the strain of it all. I wish I could share your load and make it easier and if I lived closer I absolutely would do this for you. So instead I will pray for you to give you the strength you feel that you dont have.
My love to you xxxx