Sunday, March 31, 2013

Anniversary Thoughts...

Friday was one year since Ashlea's kidney transplant.

Which means that today is one year since Murray's brain injury.

The last couple of weeks have been so busy that I haven't really had time to reflect on the anniversaries in the leadup.  On Friday I was aware throughout the day of where we were up to 'this time last year'. Eg - this time last year we had just been called down for surgery, this time last year she was out of surgery and in ICU - that sort of thing.

This morning Emma woke me up at 4:30am - which coincides exactly with when it all happened last year.  Of course then I couldn't stop thinking about it.  Would he have been unconscious by now?  How long does it take to slip into unconsciousness anyway?  I wonder what time would the aspiration have occurred?  Now it's  5:30am - that's roughly when the code was called.  I wonder what that was like?  Is the nurse who was looking after him that night working again tonight? Does she remember?  Has her life been changed by this event??

By the time it got to 8am - the time I first had any inkling there was a problem - I was feeling sick and anxious and overwhelmed.

I'll be glad when anniversary day is over.  Even though I haven't thought about it that much in the lead up I am aware that it has been niggling at me.  Murray is not really aware that today is THE anniversary and I don't think the girls are either.  Seeing as it is also Emma's birthday I am not going to mention it to them - we are just going to celebrate Easter and the 'festival of Emma'.

I am glad that the anniversary falls on Easter Sunday.  Today is the day that Christians remember that Jesus rose from the dead thereby securing our own future resurrection. His resurrection means that a brain injury in this life - while still devestating - isn't the completely hopeless tragedy it could  be.  Today is a good day for the anniversary as it is the day we remember that this world is not all there is and that there is so much more to come for those who believe. Brain injury will not have the last word.  Jesus will have the last word when He raises Murray to new life with Him.

No brain injuries in heaven.

Come Lord Jesus.


Deb said...

Alison, your post had me shedding tears just now. Tears of sadness for Murray and you and the girls and all that his injury has meant for your life. But also tears of joy because as you rightly say, on this day of all days, "Brain injury will not have the last word. Jesus will have the last word when He raises Murray to new life with Him."
Amen. He is risen indeed! Hallelujah.

Heda said...

Thank you because your post is a trigger for some pretty somber reflection. The price that Murray and you and your family have paid is huge. Presumably this risk was a possibility but equally obviously it was not one that had a high probability or was in any way expected. It sounds like it was a monitoring oversight but I don't know enough to have an opinion. Is it OK to still hope for miracle? The brain is an amazing, plastic, growing organism. Murray is lucky because he is in the best possible family to bring about the best possible outcome for his injury.

Melissa said...

I wish I could think of something meaningful to say but the truth is you are doing such a great job of working through your grief and supporting your family that nothing I could say will impact on that anyway. Be proud of all that you do Alison x

Sandra said...

A dear friend died today after a long fight with cancer. I am feeling very sad, and also sad as I read your post. But I continue to be encouraged by you and this other lovely Christian family who can continue to trust in the wisdom and faithfulness of God in the face of suffering and difficulties. How great is the hope we have in Jesus.
Remembering you and your family in prayer.

The Tourist said...

Amen, Come, Lord Jesus.