Monday, July 8, 2013

The Way Things Are...

I have spent the last year since Murray's brain injury adjusting to 'the way things are'.  Once again I have had to adapt to a new normal.

For the most part I have just gotten on with things.  I cope because that's what I do - I'm a coper.  I get through the day, my kids get to school, they get fed, do their homework - everything gets done (more or less).

After some encouragement I recently went to see a psychologist.  I'm not an overly enthusiastic patient as I really don't see how it will help that much.  Is she going to come and live my life for me?  Is she going to parent my children?  Or better still mind them so I can get some respite?? Unlikely.

Anyway I went along and had to do one of those tick a box questionares to check for depression and anxiety. I filled it out on a fairly typical day.  Not a day when I was feeling particularly stressed or overwhelmed by things - just an ordinary day.  A regular, typical, feeling OK kind of day.

Anyone want to guess my scores?

On any ordinary day in the new normal apparently I score moderately for depression, severe for stress and extreme for anxiety.

And that's a good day.

The question that obviously comes out of this is - how do I do this long term?  How do I keep coping, keep getting everything done that needs to get done - for the next 5, 10, 15, whatever years?

How do I keep doing it AND be happy?  How do I do it and not score at all for depression or stress or anxiety?  Or is that not even possible?

For those of you who are also in it 'for the long haul' how do you do it?  Do you have a strategy? A plan for the long term?  Until now my plan has been just to take it one day at a time - maybe now is the time to start thinking about how to do that when all those one at a time days run endlessly into each other.

10 comments:

Linda said...

Alison, I have no answers for you but what I do know is that you have enormous courage and strength. You may not think it at times but it is there...always was and always will be.

melissa date said...

I really do wish I knew the answer to that...or I could just wish for a magic wand- that would be better!! I hope you find that you gain lots from seeing the psychologist. Although they can't come in and do it all for you, hopefully it will help you to breathe and reduce your anxiety. Perhaps a little bit of proper respite would help enormously. Surely you can call in help to get a weekend away!!! I am sure the girls would all love a sleep over with friends or family for one or two nights so that you can sleep and breathe. Do you think Audrey would enjoy hanging out with us for a night or 2? xxx

Big brother, Little sister. said...

Alison, I am thinking of you and always do. I am not sure of the answer for you as I am not you and only you can really decide what needs to change. I will email
You tomorrow to see how things are going xx much love to you xx fwiw I never fill those forms out as I am too scared to slow down and really think about things xx

Karen Titterton said...

LOVE! Love is the answer! You love your kids and you love your husband, so love will get you through it all. We're all here for you too Alison...I'm sure my score would be just a good as yours! Hugs to you my friend xx

ferfischer said...

I do not know Alison. I do think you'll figure it out though, seeing as you clearly love your family and your life and have a fab sense of humor. And, I'll be here for you, even from far away.

Missy said...

Hugs my beautiful friend.... Wish I had the answers. I know you will cope because like you said you are a coper but I also know you don't wAnt to live the rest if your life just coping if that makes sense.

Hugs x x x

Melissa said...

I wish I could give you answers, or strategies, to make it better. I have been in therapy for a while and I find it helpful in giving me strategies to deal with all the stress so I am not making myself sick. I've picked up a gym habit lately which seems to help - exercise + getting out of the house alone.

Julie Cottam said...

Yoga! Yes it is so so so true that my normal life is incredibly different to yours but I have recently returned to Yoga! I have been attending a very small class (ok it's so new that I have been having private classes) just down the road and it is wonderful! I can give you all the details if interested and the first class is free. It always ends with a few minutes peaceful relaxation. And is absolutely worth a try. (Hang in there, JC).

mamafrag said...

A shrink is someone who won't spare the truth to you and you do not have to be polite to her either

Monique said...

I think you're doing a wonderful job and you're an inspiration to us all. It's OK to feel like you can't cope. That's only human. But the difference is that amazing humans like you find beauty in everything. Thankful Thursdays for example. Keep your chin up, for you, for your family and for all of us struggling with disability.